This week I got an old draft of a crime novel out of the bottom drawer and started re-plotting it to make chronological sense but this afternoon I was suddenly inspired to write this:
The Hoarderz (with apologies to Dr Seuss)
One day, on their way
To the IGA
Came Hoarder B
And Hoarder A
And it happened that both of them came to an aisle
Where they stood. Far apart.
Arm’s length. As is the style.
“Look!” Hoarder A said, “you’re right in my way
Here is my shopping list! Piss off I say!
Toilet rolls, tissues and cough drops and lard
You are right in my way, you are making this hard.”
“Who’s in whose way?” snapped the wild Hoarder B
“I have a shopping list too, can’t you see?
Let me get on with it. Let me get through.
Let me get toilet rolls. Don’t be a poo.”
Then crazed Hoarder A puffed his chest up with pride.
“You will not,” he spluttered, “take me for a ride.
Look in your basket! Ten rolls of the stuff!
Ten rolls! They’re right there! That is more
“I’ll prove to you,” yelled enraged Hoarder B,
“That ten rolls is never enough. You will see
That fifty nine rolls is just what I need
And when I want something I always succeed.”
“And I’ll prove to YOU,” screeched deranged
“That I’ll stand here and block you and get in your way
I’ll stand here, not budging, I will bless my soul
I’ll stop you from getting just one toilet roll!”
The Hoarderz decided that that’s where they’d stay
While shoppers around them got on with their day
And the shoppers continued by day and by night
Til there wasn’t a toilet roll left in sight.