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MIREK
SECOND
ALWAYS SECOND
BECAUSE OF ONE GUY
WHO LOOKS YOU STRAIGHT IN THE EYE
AND EVEN THOUGH I TRY –

HE GLIDES
HE BLISTERS
IF I WASN’T MARRIED TO YOU
I’D GO FOR ONE OF HIS NICE SWISS SISTERS
HOW DO I DEFEAT ROGER FEDERER?

BREE
How many [sisters] -?

MIREK
Just one.

HE FORAYS
HE SLIDES
HE’S NEVER RUDE OR SLIMY OR
DISRESPECTFUL OR FULL OF HIMSELF OR SNIDE
SO HOW DO I DEFEAT ROGER FEDERER?

BREE
YOU COULD KIDNAP MIRKA

MIREK
THAT’S BESERK

BREE
A TWIN
JUST ONE TWIN

MIREK
WHERE DO I BEGIN?
THE TANGENT YOU HAVE GONE OFF ON IS
STRANGELY DISTURBING

BREE
YOU HAD MUCH MORE SUCCESS WHEN YOU WERE
PLAYING THAT SERBIAN

MIREK
HE’S GETTING JUST AS HARD TO BEAT AS
ROGE IT’S PERTURBIN’
TO BE
SECOND ALWAYS SECOND
BECAUSE OF ONE MAN
NOT RAFA OR STAN
AND EVEN THOUGH I CAN –
HE VOLLEYS
HE SHINES
HE NEVER TALKS BACK TO UMPIRES OR
THROWS DOWN HIS RACQUET OR EVEN GETS FINES
HOW DO I DEFEAT ROGER FEDERER?
HE’S FOCUSSED
HE’S COOL
HE’S SUCH A NICE GUY BUT ON COURT
HE’S RELENTLESS UNSTOPPABLE VICIOUS & CRUEL
HOW DO I DEFEAT ROGER FEDERER?

BREE
YOU COULD GET A HIT MAN

MIREK
WHAT THE -? SHIT

BREE
CAN YOU SEE –

MIREK

WHAT THAT WOULD DO TO M E?
I DO NOT WANT INVOLVEMENT
IN A CRIMINAL ACT

BREE
A PISTOL IN A BROWN PAPER BAG
LET’S MAKE A PACT

MIREK
NO VIOLENCE

BREE
But –

MIREK
NO VIOLENCE

BREE
But I –

MIREK

LET’S FACE THE FACT
THAT I’M SECOND ALWAYS SECOND
AND I DON’T WANT TO BE SECOND
I MUST
USE ALL OF MY
CORE STRENGTH AND CUNNING
GET BACK INTO
LONG DISTANCE RUNNING
BRUSH UP ON THE PSYCHOLOGICAL ASPECTS
OF COMPETITIVE SPORT
MOVE MORE AERODYNAMICALLY AROUND
THE COURT
WORK ON MY BACKHAND TO MAKE IT MUCH
HARDER AGGRESSIVE AND CLEANER
BECOME FAMILIAR WITH THE WIND CONDITIONS
INSIDE ROD LAVER ARENA

AND I WON’T BE SECOND
NOT SECOND RANKING
IT’S M Y DARLING WIFE
THAT I’LL BE THANKING
UP ON THE PODIUM
DRINKING SOMETHING BRIGHT BLUE WITH
THIRTY EIGHT MILLIGRAMS OF SODIUM
AND I WON’T BE SECOND
NOT SECOND
I’LL BE NUMBER ONE

(c) WJL 2019